By John Zakour
John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, manhattan.
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Extra info for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)
Just remember: if our cavemen ancestors could survive dealing with pregnant cavewomen, then surely you—modern man—can survive dealing with a modern pregnant woman. After all, you have relaxation techniques and painkillers to rely on that your cave ancestors could only dream of. Just try to keep your wife calm and happy by holding her hand and saying nice things like: 1) “Don’t worry, dear. ” 2) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 35 4) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 6) “Yes, dear, I’m scum. ” 8) “Yes, dear, I’m scum.
Amniocentesis: something you should be glad you never have to go through. Amniotic sac: kind of like a really flexible football padding that covers the entire unborn baby. Apgar score: the first of thousands of standardized tests your baby will take throughout his or her life. Beer: something that, when consumed in large quantities, often leads to pregnancy. Birth canal: chances are you’re pretty familiar with this already. Birthing room: a room in a hospital made to look like it’s not a room in the hospital but a room in your house (especially if you keep forceps around the house).
This works for your wife as she gets the pleasure of knowing she is taking care of her baby’s needs on a very personal one-to-one level. ) This works for you because—quite simply—you don’t have breasts. , and so on, there’s not a lot you can do about it. So if you like your sleep, it’s best to encourage your wife to breast-feed for as long as possible. You can also look at this time of life as your chance to watch all those TV shows you like but your wife doesn’t. You know, the ones with violence and bikinis and such.
A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive) by John Zakour